“Certified Mail”
There was a time when the mail used to bring news from friends and family, but as the Internet took a hold, so the U.S. Postal Service gradually lost its luster and turned into a sort of extension of the monthly billing cycle. And now, with online banking so available it has been further reduced into becoming merely the bearer of junk mail. There is however still one piece of mail that it delivers that carries weight: “Certified Mail”. The name alone carries a tone of authority, and that is usually what it bears; legal matter, government documents, etc – nothing at all that I want drifting my way.
Therefore it was with a definite sense of dread that I signed for my “Certified Mail” the other day, and true to form as soon as I opened the letter I was faced with the frightful Department of Taxation Insignia. Its missive was to inform me that I was to be audited with regard to my former company “for all the years in which the statute of limitations has not expired” i.e. 5 years, back to 2003. Thank God there is a statute of limitations otherwise goodness knows how far back they would really like to go!
Now it is not that I feel guilty of any wrongdoing, because I have never tried to defraud the state in any way of its 4.72% G.E. Tax, however as I tried to tell the auditor, my last few years in business were conducted mainly as an e-commerce company and therefore all out of state sales were Hawaii State Tax exempt. It was all to no avail, and now I will have to locate my boxes of invoices for the said years for their examination next week. Really what I feel is a certain amount of dread (just because I find anything to do with formal authority intimidating) along with that same sense of irritation that came over me when my wallet was stolen. I just wished the robber had taken the cash and left the credit cards and driver’s license behind, not because of any liability, but merely because of the huge hassle it caused to reinstate everything, especially the driver’s license.
Still, being an upright citizen, when asked for my Federal Tax Returns I duly went down to the Tax Office to drop them off. Government offices are always so dreary, I immediately felt deeply depressed, as if something bad was about to happen to me. After checking in with the stony-faced security guards I wandered through the inevitable maze of grey corridors until I reached the tax office. Once inside, I rang the small silver bell to announce myself behind the bulletproof partition, and was then pointed into a tiny drab brown (interrogation) room! There I was apprised of the fate awaiting me. Tuesday morning at 9a.m. two auditors will come to my home to inspect my papers and after said inspection they will let me know how they will proceed.
The thought was not at all pleasant, but then I wondered how did it feel to be on the other side? Cordoned off behind bulletproof glass, knowing that everybody you do business with on a daily basis absolutely dreads and loathes you from the outset? It must be horrific, your only friends, your co-workers all contained in that small office where you live and breathe like a bunch of pariahs. Imagine being asked what you do for a living? If answered truthfully I think most of us would run for our lives! No, although they may have authority over me for the moment, I am taking comfort in the fact that I wouldn’t trade places with any one of them for love nor money…..would you?
1 comment November 19th, 2008