The Blah’s
Have you ever been through a period in your life when you have had the total blah’s? Well as you can see I have recently been there, experiencing a time where everything just seemed too much, however little it was in reality. Lucky me, not being tied to a 9 – 5 I did not have to go trotting off to work pretending that everything was fabulous in my world. No, rather I had the luxury of sticking my head deep inside a book, (many books) and shutting off the world outside. However there comes a time when that not is really enough, and I realize that I cannot live submerged forever. Life is about living, and so I have resurfaced hoping that the light will be a little brighter now.
And what caused this little blimp? Funnily enough, never having considered myself as being an extremely maternal person, it was the departure of my oldest son from home. I had, I now realize been preparing for it to happen for some time; enjoying the last summer of him as a boy, careful not to intrude on his oh so hectic social life, but being readily available for him when he was around. I happily shopped for his going away gear, insurance, flights etc. etc. conscious of his departure, but obviously not aware of the impact it would have.
Then the day arrived, and he left – a great smile on his face. He was going on the adventure of his life, traveling alone to New Zealand to do an Outward Bound course, and then backpacking and working his way around the country. Alone I say, and yet having lived in Auckland for many years I put the tom toms out to every friend and relative (of which we have many) about his impending arrival. His aunt who had been here visiting finagled the same flight home, put him up, and organized his cousin (an experienced backpacker) to help him buy some final things - cold climate sleeping bags not being readily available in Hawaii! Friends (thank you) invited him to dinner, gave him loads of contacts in every intended place of stay, and to top it off he managed a couple of days snowboarding in the best season of snow that New Zealand has ever experienced. Was he happy, he was in heaven!! So why was I so sad?
I think it was the overwhelming quietness that suddenly enveloped me. Used to a house which was always full of the sounds of boys, almost men tramping in and out, raiding my pantry and fridge, always hungry, or in need of a shower. The laughter, the air of fun, of pretty young things fluttering around in the universal dance of flirtation – it was suddenly all gone
Empty nest? I had heard the term for years – but I did not have an empty nest, and yet it felt so …… My youngest also feeling slightly adrift sought refuge with his girlfriend and longed for the day when he too could head off, all the more anxious to follow his brother, safe in the knowledge that the greater world out there was so much fun. My husband, forever hard at work, had other things to occupy his mind…. so I stuck my head deep, deep inside the world of fiction.
Now, do I feel any better? No, not really. However the fact that he is handling himself so well out there makes me smile. He is starting the adventure of his life, and that he is enjoying it so much bodes well for his future, and that after all is what we as parents work so hard to prepare them for. So, I hope that he wakes up every day with a sense of joy about what he is about to experience and I look forward to the time when he returns, a man to tell me all about it.
Add comment September 4th, 2008